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Getting the best out of a schoolThe dos and don’ts – some practical advice Education is seen at its best when pupil, parent and school all combine to help bring the very best out of the individual. Education, though, is very much a lifelong process, and the best indication of the real success of a good preparatory and secondary education is seen more in what a person is like, and the quality of what has been achieved, and how, by the time the individual has reached middle age. To most parents, though, it is what their child has achieved by the time he or she leaves school that really matters. Success is measured in terms of examination results, university places obtained, positions of responsibility held, and attainments in games, music, drama and other extra-curricular activities. Less easy to quantify and evaluate – although psychometric testing is doing its best to bridge the gap and provide valuable support information – is the individual’s strength of character, personality, communication skills, sociability, management and leadership potential, honesty and integrity, yet they are all qualities that have been nurtured and developed at school, and that will provide an essential foundation for the future. Not all school leavers are the paragons of virtue either their parents think or expect them to be, or indeed the school has tried hard to make them become. Many of the important lessons of life are learned either by making mistakes yourself or learning from the mistakes made by others, and there is nowhere better than a boarding school environment to do this. The path from preparatory school pupil, through adolescence, to school leaver is full of obstacles and pitfalls, and not many succeed in remaining on the straight and narrow all the time – indeed, some find it a minefield and spend more time off the path than on it. In these circumstances it is hardly surprising that there are the occasional blemishes and clashes with authority. Parents, and occasionally even schools and their boarding staff, have to recognise this and deal with situations in the most appropriate way. Schools sometimes have to be cruel rather than sympathetic, initially, in order to be kind later on. Action is necessary in order to ensure standards are maintained and mistakes not repeated. In such situations there is inevitably the risk of tension, and to add to the usual frictions that can spring up between parents and children come those between pupil and school, and then between parent and school. Many such tensions are short term, and quickly blow over as mistakes are acknowledged and lessons learned. Some, though, are more long term, and less easily forgiven and forgotten. What, then, can be done to alleviate and minimise them, and what can be done to ensure that boarding parents, in particular, get the best out of the school they have chosen, and do their best to help avoid things going wrong? Well, what can go wrong? First, academic progress and study: not all pupils are diligent and assiduous in their studies. So, when pupils do not perform up to their potential, and achieve moderate results in relation to their capabilities, there is inevitable and entirely justifiable cause for concern. If this is spotted early, and the school reacts appropriately and informs the parent to ensure support, and the pupil responds positively, then the problem has started to be addressed. Almost certainly both school and parent will remain on the alert, and pressure will continue to be applied so that progress can be maintained. Schools will monitor such situations through end-of-term reports, reports during the term, individual supervision and parents’ evenings, where there will be the chance to discuss matters of concern with subject teachers and form teachers, and agree action plans. The parents’ role in these situations is to support the action taken by the school, and to ensure they have a channel of communication so they know what is happening and can be kept informed by someone at the school, either house parent, tutor, form teacher or subject teacher. The more serious problem occurs when the relationship or respect between the pupil and the channel of communication breaks down, and the parent feels dissatisfied or uneasy about what is happening. It is at this stage that the parent has to be prepared to go to someone else at the school in order to express their disquiet and to resolve the matter. The house master or mistress is the most likely pourer of oil on troubled waters, but it might be necessary to obtain reassurances from another senior member of staff, even the head. The main point to emphasise is that the concern should be shared fully with the school, and there is no excuse for one person hoping that the problem will just disappear. Under-performance in extra-curricular activities, particularly games and music, is more difficult. The best teams, choirs and orchestras exhibit the stamps of their coaches, choir masters and conductors in their performances. Not all schools, however, have professional coaches, and not all good musicians give good music lessons. Spreading the coaching talent among the staff so that as many pupils as possible benefit has to be considered against the need for the top teams to do well against traditional rivals, and in the face of continued improvements in training facilities and techniques. So there are plenty of disappointments for those who hover on the edge of school teams to face, and to provide tests of character that will, eventually, serve them in good stead in the future. Dealing with the situation at the time, though, is never easy, and the school and parents will need to supply their own sympathy and understanding, often in tandem, whenever appropriate. The parent who joins the ranks of knocking the overall performance, the referee, the coach, the team, the captain, does little to help the cause of either the school or the individual. Parents are there to provide support and encouragement, whenever possible and, providing this happens, their presence will always be welcome and greatly appreciated, whether it is at concerts, plays or matches. Constructive criticism can come at a later time, and when the school makes a point of actively seeking it, which it will at some stage. The next area to consider is personal, social and moral development, and linked with this is how the school’s discipline structure leads the individual towards the essential self-disciplinary requirements of life beyond school. Here, perhaps, is where the real concerns can start. Schools mirror the problems of society, and the local – and often the national – media do their best to keep the general public updated on all the messy details, more often than not at the expense of the school. Schools, under such pressure, can show the strain. They have obligations to their pupils, their parents, their staff, and to the individuals who have been involved. Anything that can be regarded as a criminal offence cannot be hidden from the law, and proven guilt has inevitably final consequences, more often than not resulting in expulsion or suspension. Paying that ultimate price is a tragic consequence of an act of grave stupidity, not often premeditated, but it has to be faced and life has to go on. Schools do their very best to salvage as much as they can from the short-term wreckage but, for many, the scars are carried with them a long time into the future, and it is only their peers who benefit and pull back whenever similar temptations crop up again. Drug abuse is the main danger, but alcohol abuse is not far behind. Moral education is the prime duty of both schools and parents, and one of its chief aims is to convince individuals that they are responsible for their own destinies. In this respect schools and parents must be in constant contact about what is happening and what is being done. A programme of personal, social and moral development should be a prominent feature within any school’s curriculum, and the boarding schools should be making a better job of it than the day schools simply because they have more time available to deal with it, and due to the on-campus support and advice they have the opportunity to provide. Good parents will keep themselves informed and will discuss issues on a regular basis with both their children and the school. A realistic approach to all this will help keep other disciplinary misdemeanours in perspective. Children will be caught from time to time in pubs, made all the more embarrassing if in the company of day colleagues and their parents; how this one is resolved is a test of a school’s quality, but more often it will be on a Saturday night with friends, where someone has had too much to drink. Schools are now well versed in dealing with such situations in their own ways, and pupils will be fined, gated or lose positions of responsibility. A repeat offence could lead to suspension. The parents’ role in such a predicament is to help their child to bounce back and to maintain morale, particularly if it is in a vital examination year. A pupil caught smoking will be dealt with in a similar way, with the initial punishment now more often than not being picked to hit the pupil’s pocket. Bullying and harassment, particularly verbal, are more common than schools are prepared to concede, and a number of schools have sensibly acknowledged this and brought in independent counsellors to help reduce the problem. Respect for personal property is another matter for concern, expensive iPods, electronic equipment and clothing are best enjoyed in the holidays, and to take them back to school as a status symbol is a mistake. Items do ‘go missing’, but only initially because the owners are either careless or too casual about the need for sensible security. Then follows the slippery slope of what happens next. The petty thief often has no need to break into school buildings – they can find enough to satisfy their needs from the items left lying around the estate. Where, then, does this leave the boarding parent, apart from providing them with a brief about what to warn their children about? It aims to emphasise to them how important it is to establish their own channels of communication through to the school, and the ways in which they can provide support and encouragement for their child throughout a school career. Accept invitations to attend school events, particularly leading up to half terms and end of terms, whenever you can, use these to get to know the staff involved with your child in the classroom, in extra-curricular activities and, above all, in the boarding house; find out when it is most convenient to talk to them on the phone. Whenever you can’t accept invitations to discuss progress, and whenever there are matters of concern, don’t wait for the situation to get worse, take the earliest opportunity that is reasonable to obtain reassurances. By doing this the boarding parent (or guardian, if both parents are abroad) can become far more involved than is often appreciated, and the most is made of visits when they can take place. Getting the best out of a school
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