The Parents

My eldest daughter Harriet is dyslexic and dyspraxic. We are relieved that she is now happy and thriving in her current school, but we have travelled a long and tricky path. I hope that sharing our experiences – positive and negative – may help parents in a similar position.

From an early stage the need for continuity became an essential aspect of Harriet’s education. Relocating with each assignment brought the need for a new fight with a different education authority to acquire the specialist help needed – a process that can take at least a year each time within the state system. The vivacious bright child we saw at home was unrecognisable within school; we needed to turn this around to restore her confidence. We moved Harriet aged seven.

Background
Choosing a large prep school with a dyslexic unit, not realising Harriet was also dyspraxic, we hoped to build her confidence, improve her ability, enable her to find her talents and forge new friendships. Despite the excellent reputation of the school’s Dyslexic Unit and the improvements made there, the complex nature of Harriet’s problems caused issues; it saw her becoming increasingly unhappy and uncomfortable. We realised that help received was not always followed through in all departments – the unhappier she became, the slower her progression. We knew Harriet needed more support than this school could offer, particularly as she moved up the school. At this point I am not able to fully convey how heartbreaking it was to see our child failing, and the once bubbly, animated daughter being crushed by an inappropriate educational/boarding environment. We had achieved only a fraction of our original goal.

With the original reasons for opting for boarding school still at the forefront of our minds, we undertook a long and arduous search for an appropriate senior school; key to our daughter’s happiness would be finding the right school. Harriet moved aged 11. By moving her we accepted that her sibling would not follow her through the same school.

Finding a new school
After viewing most schools on the CEAS list that offered Specialist Provision (SP), we discovered Stanbridge Earls, a specialist school with a great spirit – a long way from home, but offering everything she needed. After an invaluable three-day trial, Harriet greeted us with a huge smile and begged us to move her. She immediately recognised that the relaxed and understanding atmosphere would make school and boarding life fun. I was overcome with a feeling of relief. (To anyone looking to send their child to boarding school, I would recommend the benefits of an extended trial and talking to the parents of children already at the school.)

What does a Specialist Provision school offer?
The understanding that the teachers have for the complexities of each child’s needs is unequivocal. The school offers a lifeline to these children; it enables them to access all areas of the curriculum and, most importantly, Stanbridge Earls allowed Harriet to be herself. The help that children receive extends to all subjects and related prep, but also to pastoral care, which means that many of Harriet’s worries have been alleviated. Children work in small groups, at their own pace and ability. The relief for Harriet of being with other children who understand and relate to her day-to-day struggles is huge. The organisation of the school day allows the children to quickly get to grips with school routines.

Why did we choose Stanbridge Earls?
We had concerns about sending Harriet to an SP school, but these fears have not been borne out – in fact, the opposite: Harriet is achieving more than we ever thought possible.

We are enormously impressed by the staff and the support offered to the children. Harriet was immediately made to feel at home and, within days, looked like she had been there for years. The smaller family environment, coupled with the school’s ethos is allowing Harriet to develop to her full potential.

All the children in the school have some form of difficulty and this makes the staff extremely adept at exploring different methods to ensure the children can access their talents. The camaraderie among the children is fantastic – all have their own struggles, they dig deep and encourage each other. Inevitably they have their ups and downs, but they are encouraged to use their positive attributes and focus on their achievements to bring them success.

At Harriet’s previous school boarding had been a major stumbling block, but she now embraces it – she loves to stay in at weekends, taking part in all the activities on offer, including shopping with her friends! She is really beginning to mature and grasp the opportunities that are there for her. Boarding life is teaching Harriet to become a little more organised, and helps her to be compassionate and understanding of others.

Previously I would have said that Harriet – like many children with learning difficulties – is not suited to boarding, however I am beginning to change my mind. She is now surrounded by people that she is comfortable with and therefore many of her anxieties have gone, leaving her able to enjoy all aspects of school life.

She has a large network of friends in all age groups. Harriet’s confidence has grown so much that she has even sung a solo in the school concert! Amazingly for Harriet, she is no longer embarrassed about things she can’t do, and she doesn’t feel humiliated during lessons. I have gone from having a child that hated school, and who cried on returning, to one that happily goes back. For the first time in her life she likes school. Life in the classroom will always be a struggle, but she knows she is not the only one and that she has plenty of other attributes. We finally have our vivacious little girl back.

When I am clocking up the miles taking and fetching it never crosses my mind to wonder if it is worth all the effort and financial hardship. Despite the huge knock-on effect the running around has on all the family, and the amount of juggling that is necessary to enable Harriet to go to this school, I consider we are extremely lucky – a price worth paying for the right school.

As a mum, it’s wonderful to now hear my daughter happy on the phone, though I have to confess I’ll never really get used to her being away! But I am extremely thankful we found Stanbridge Earls.

To finish in Harriet’s’ own words, ‘It’s just not stressy.’

Boarding school: Mrs Jayne Gouge, mother of Emily, Year 11, and William, Year 13

Why did we look at boarding schools?
As a child of parents based overseas, I myself went to boarding school at a young age and it seemed the most natural thing in the world to send my own children too. With the transient lifestyle we lead, my husband and I believe that boarding school life provides the best possible education in terms of standards, discipline, opportunities, stability and continuity in our children’s lives.

How does the CEA help?
CEA for most families, including ours, is the difference between being able to provide a boarding school education for our children, or not. It is simply not an affordable option without this marvellous aid, provided both by the MoD and HM Foreign Office, whether serving in the UK or overseas. Because CEA is provided from Year 3, our children were also able to benefit from a prep school education at St John’s in Devon. This crucial stage gave them a distinct advantage over those children attending boarding school for the first time at Year 7 or later.

What made us choose the Royal Hospital School?
We were enormously impressed by the sheer scale of opportunities on offer to the pupils and the scale of the campus on which to take up those opportunities. The whole ‘picture’ of the school was every bit as important to us as the academic side. We liked particularly the fact that it is a full boarding school and therefore the boarding community is very well catered for. This is of particular importance to overseas-based parents. We also, being a military family, particularly liked the fact that the children are actively encouraged to participate in CCF, take part in regular ‘divisions’ parades and have to take personal care of their issued Naval uniforms. This is a unique part of life at RHS, which our children enjoy and which we feel very proud to have them take part in.

How did I feel about the children boarding?
Our children started boarding school at age seven, at St John’s Prep School in Sidmouth, Devon. We then moved them, together, aged 11 and 13 to RHS to complete their education. As we were based in Cyprus when William first left home for prep school, it was a very difficult wrench, but I had also been an overseas boarder from the age of eight and so I knew that he would be fine once in school and in the daily routine. It was much harder for my husband to come to terms with sending the children away, although he was in no doubt that they would receive a better and more stable education.

Nowadays, overseas children tend to fly home for half-term holidays – an unheard of luxury back in the 1960s when I was a schoolgirl. With a maximum six-week separation, the farewells are generally much less traumatic than they used to be, thankfully!

How did the children settle in?
Both children settled in well quite quickly and I believe that it is much easier for a younger child to adapt to boarding school. William settled in more quickly than Emily, and while there were often tears at parting in the first few years, she always maintained that she was ‘fine when I got to school’. She is now quite emphatic that she would never swap boarding school life for day school.

What are the benefits of boarding?
For the pupils, boarding school life offers a close companionship between fellow peers. The house system enables new pupils to settle with a smaller group before venturing out into the wider circle. Living in such close quarters with one’s peers forces a sharing, caring and generous attitude towards others. It can, however, be very claustrophobic for older new pupils who have never shared a bedroom at home and find it difficult to cope with the very relaxed ‘borrowing’ of each other’s possessions that is very much part of boarding school life. There is, inevitably, a degree of friction, but there is no choice but to buckle down and get on with each other, a very important lesson for later life!

My children love the fact that wherever we go in the world, their school friends and routine at school remain constant. There is none of the fear of a new country, new school and possibly non-English-speaking peers to cope with. They know that they will always spend all their half-term and holidays with us, if they wish, and that it will never be more than a six-week separation. For us, we can relax knowing that they are in familiar territory and happy. Boarding school life has made our children confident, gregarious, well adjusted and respectful young people, who mix well and cope well in unusual situations.

What do the children get involved in?
William (16) is (like his father who played enthusiastically for the Royal Marines) a keen rugby player. He also thoroughly enjoys CCF life and is hoping for a career in the military. Emily (14) loves hockey, netball, drama, takes piano lessons, has until recently done ballet, and is passionate about art and design. She looks forward to all events in school – discos, plays, matches, etc.

How do you think it has helped them grow and develop (e.g. independence)?
I think boarding school children do, inevitably, grow up faster than their peers at day school. ‘Mum’ is not there to remind them to pack PE kit, mark personal items, put dirty kit into machines, finish prep, get to extra-curricular classes on time and so forth. They very quickly have to look after themselves and get order into their lives. Going off to university (or straight into military life) presents no challenges for those young people who have experienced boarding school.

My daughter sews her own name tapes into ‘civvies’ to take back to school; indeed I have even found her name tapes in one or two of my own things!

Catherine Shaw’s husband is a Merlin pilot in the Royal Navy; they have been based at RNAS Culdrose for five years

Neither my husband nor I went to boarding school, so we weren’t quite sure what to expect when considering sending our eldest. Having moved from house to house for the last nine years and hearing about the Navy funding for boarding, we couldn’t not look into the opportunity for Amy, who was eight at the time.

My husband is stationed at RNAS Culdrose, Cornwall, so choosing a boarding school couldn’t have been easier, with Truro High School for Girls (THS) just down the road. With its fantastic reputation, the first step was to go to an open evening. As well as being introduced to the excellent facilities at THS, including brand new boarding facilities, recently refurbished language facilities and a new dance studio, Amy then had a trial sleepover (she was treated to an evening of popcorn, hot chocolate and DVDs) and we haven’t looked back since.

We did look at other schools in the area, but THS is head and shoulders above the rest – the exam results speak for themselves. The school regularly tops Cornwall’s league tables for GCSE and A-levels and is in the top 200 of all schools nationally.

Now celebrating its 130th anniversary, the school in going from strength to strength. The Headmistress, Mrs Caroline Pascoe, has been at the school for a year now, and is extremely supportive and proud of the girls’ achievements. The school is constantly in the local papers for its successes, from maths and English challenges to drama performances and choir trips. THS is very strong academically as well as achieving many sporting successes. The UK’s number one U15 high jumper and the UK’s number four U16 fencer attend THS.

Amy, now nine, loves sport, and one of the main draws was the on-site indoor swimming pool. Amy now swims twice a week and is also really enjoying athletics and cross-country running. She has started playing the violin, too.

THS is a small school and Amy really does reap the benefits of small class sizes as well as learning with girls. From my own personal experience, going to school with boys can be distracting. Amy will never know the difference, joining a girls’ school at her age, and it is proven that girls do better at school surrounded by girls.
The community spirit at THS is superb. We drop her off for the week knowing that the staff and girls care about each other, which makes the process a lot easier for us. Dragging Amy home at the weekends is the issue – she even wanted to spend her birthday at school! Everyone knows each other so well – it’s like having extended family in Truro.

Boarding in Cornwall is a privilege. Most people dream of living down here so to be able to send your daughter to school in this beautiful part of the world is very special. Living so close to the beach means that Amy can make the most of water sports activities provided by the school – she gets to go canoeing, windsurfing and surfing sometimes with her friends, which she absolutely loves. Cornwall’s culture is very important to the school so Amy gets to go on local trips to fantastic places like the Minack Theatre near Penzance, as well as residential trips further afield.

Initially, we were worried about how Amy would cope at such a young age, but she has settled in brilliantly. As we are stationed at Culdrose at the moment, I asked Amy if she’d like to be a daygirl but we were given a resounding no!

Our youngest daughter, Ellie, is five and she is in Reception. Having started at the school early on, it’s easy for her to progress up through the school as there is automatic entry from the prep school to the senior school.

If we had to move away from Cornwall, I would have no problem keeping both girls at the school. The county’s airport runs regular flights now, so transport options are great. For day pupils, the school has introduced a popular bus service, which serves local girls from Truro to Penzance.

Boarding at THS is really a home away from home. The fact that boarding is expanding and the number of prep boarders is increasing is testament to the breadth and variety of activities, and the caring and supportive family feel in the boarding house. I’m hoping that both Amy and her younger sister will go all the way to A-levels at THS. I’m a big advocate for boarding now, and a walking advert for Truro High!

Our ‘Army annus horribilis’
An update from Lindsay McCran, Army wife and mother

James began his life as a boarder at Lockers Park Preparatory school for boys in 2007 as a Year 5 pupil. At the very young age of nine, this seemed almost cruel and indeed many people felt obliged to share this opinion with us – obviously oblivious to the soul searching that had preceded our decision. We long ago decided that we had made the right decision for James and the family as a whole, but if we ever needed endorsement, our ‘Army annus horribilis’ has given it to us in spades.

Move number 18 was due to take place in March, following a posting order the previous November. One week prior to the move the absence of either quarter or hiring was slightly worrying. Kitty needed a place in a primary school, to which the HIC responded that we should ‘just register her at a school nearest to the camp and get your husband to take her and pick her up every day’. Yep, that’s even if we give you a hiring two hours away. Nobody had told my husband that his new post was term time only, job share!

Imagine if we had received the same advice for senior schools? In fact, having spoken to a number of family members that teach in senior schools within the state system, they tell us that we would have been ‘incredibly lucky’ to have got a place at any state school within a reasonable travelling time, let alone a school of our choice. Neighbours here in Germany that have opted to educate their senior school children via the Service schools are, upon a local posting, being forced to move 30 minutes away and their children will have to weekly board (at a service school in Germany) now. They had assumed that if they opted for posts within the garrison area they could ensure continuity of education. One of their children is in the middle of GCSEs.

In summary, we are still in Germany (it is the end of June as I write) and my husband has been in the UK since March. We have lived in limbo and uncertainty until a few weeks ago when we were finally told that a Grade 3 quarter (the one and only quarter!) would be available in August. Otherwise we would have to wait until mid-September.

Throughout the whole saga, time and time again we have thanked our lucky stars that James has had continuity provided through his education and care at Lockers Park. For James, life has carried on as normal … Easter hols (happy to have them in Germany); revision for exams; athletics; cricket matches; exeats. I simply cannot imagine how difficult the past few months would have been for a pre-teen moving/not moving and the uncertainty about schools. Re-reading all of the above, I simply do not feel that we have any other option than to utilise the CEA allowance and keep James at a boarding school.

James’ past few months have been spent focusing on trying to work harder and concentrate more at school. He is a typical 12-year-old boy and does not need any added angst! He has another year at prep school and, with support from the school, has been able to plough on as planned – visiting and choosing senior schools. Now James just needs to hone his revision techniques for common entrance next year … but at least he doesn’t have any excuses!

‘Boarding was not something we thought would ever really happen; now we would not change anything’
John Sutherland, in the RAF regiment currently based at Honington

Myself, Lynne and our two children returned to the UK, from a Cyprus posting, in February 2006. Connor (now aged 15) and Kieran (11) both attended Ayios Nikolaos Primary School. Connor went on to high school at the King Richard School in Dhekelia for approximately six months. Both were British Forces schools – the standard of education and dedication for the children were both very high.

On returning to the UK and to RAF Honington we settled in Watton, three doors up from where we left a posting in 2001. As we had lived in Watton before, we were aware of the schools and standard of education received within the catchment area. Both Connor and Kieran had been used to a living in a Forces community, and the opportunities of after-school clubs and activities, therefore we were a little concerned that the boys would need more to help expand their education and knowledge.

Connor joined Wymondham College in September 2007, and is currently sitting his GCSEs and, all being well, will go into sixth form at Wymondham College later this year. He found that being a boarder at the College has worked as an advantage to his learning and dedication to succeed in his exams. One reason for this is prep time. Prep is when the students congregate to knuckle down and work, ready for the next day. As prep time is part of everyday life at college, Connor found that this work was no longer seen as a chore – ‘dreaded homework’ – but more of a routine. Another reason is that they are all doing the prep together, without the temptation of PS3 or TV to take their attention! Fun starts when the work is done. Connor has excelled at Wymondham College, not only in his education and dedication but also as an individual and in terms of his own independence. He has made a great number of friends – both adults and other students – all of which add to the stages of entering into adulthood.

Kieran is starting Year 7 in September this year. He has seen the opportunities and experiences that Connor has had, and will continue to have, and is looking forward to starting the next stage of his education. Kieran is especially looking forward to boarding and the extra after-school curriculum that the college offers – a new adventure. He has seen how Wymondham College has benefited his brother and is counting the days until it is his opportunity to grow.

Both Connor and Kieran attended open days prior to receiving a letter inviting them to attend an interview. The open days are very impressive: the whole structure and welcoming atmosphere of the open day help both students and parents to understand the commitment that the college has to offer new boarders. Students already attending the college show families around, and all aspects were covered – from questions being answered to families being made to feel very welcome by staff, teachers and students alike.

We have now purchased our own house in Watton and are fortunate to live very close to the college, however we have no apprehensions about future postings: when one comes, we are happy knowing that Connor is settled, and that Kieran is looking forward to his future education and environment.

With respect to the process and paperwork within the Forces, there are plenty of places to get advice, especially CEAS, as well as other parents with children in boarding. Forms were filled out and sent to the relevant places, and we waited for the reply. We were very pleased that this procedure works smoothly. In terms of costs, all is explained and – surprisingly – we are pleased to say that these have not been too demanding on our income.

John and Lynne Sutherland currently live in Watton, Norfolk. John is a Sergeant in the RAF regiment based at RAF Honington in Suffolk, having recently served in Afghanistan. Lynne works in Norwich as a PA to a structural engineering company.

Logistics of love
Sophie Hickson on the joys of being the mother of boarders

I was about to work out how many miles I have driven taking the children to and from school, but with fuel prices heading into the stratosphere, I decided that I really didn’t want to know! We chose the boarding school route, we chose schools that we hoped would educate and entertain the children, and that they would enjoy. Then we had to choose the car to facilitate the endless miles that we (mostly I) would drive. For those of you who are hoping for a Jeremy Clarkson-esque review, please head straight to the next article as I’m not able to produce that kind of witty but barbed prose. The jury is still out on what we should have – we are about to enter our eighth year of transporting the kids, and their kit, to and from school, but I offer these thoughts …

The sheer volume of kit that goes in, clean, at the start of term somehow increases to manic proportions when it’s coming home, not quite so clean, and supplemented with the creations that have been lovingly produced during term. Those of us who have done a few moves can become quite proficient at packing, but it’s not a skill that children are particularly good at, unless it’s contraband into pockets. For one child: a decent-sized boot should be enough (for the kit not the child!), but add more space if they are learning a large instrument – happy memories of watching some poor father trying to fit a harp into a car as I gently placed the flute case on the passenger seat! For two children an estate car or MPV should have enough space; over that, try enquiring if a local moving firm might be able to hire out vehicles.

Then you have to consider fuel and emissions. If it’s a long drive between home and school, are there enough places to stop and fill up, or will the children become green – but hopefully without emissions – as they munch on the snack that you, just about, remembered to pack for them? If the round trip is too far to do as a day trip, is there suitable accommodation in the shape of friends or relatives that will be happy to put you up for the night, plus any attendant offspring and pets that you have been unable to offload because your other half is deployed/on exercise/not available?

If you are lucky enough to be able to go and watch sports matches, do you need to join the 4x4 club to park as close to the rugby/football/hockey pitches as you can, so you can watch the match without developing hypothermia? Would a camper van be a good idea, tea and coffee on tap? (A sure way to find foul-weather friends among the other parents.) For the summer term, how about a convertible for the cricket/rounders matches? Perhaps a nippy little sports car to cut the travelling time down to a minimum? Satnav is a must – the matches you can get to always seem to be away fixtures, but then you need plenty of space to take your own child, and a couple of spares, back to school … via the local sweet shop of course!

Towards the beginning of our time as parents of children at boarding school we rather rashly promised our eldest that, if it was possible, we would collect and return him. This was after a traumatic weekend when he was flying to Germany as an unaccompanied minor. His plane developed engine trouble and returned to Gatwick where he was put on a different plane and flown back out to Germany. He wasn’t particularly bothered, but I was at Hanover airport where, as the hours ticked by but the coffee kept coming, I imagined him being lost during the changeover and suchlike. We eventually got home, only to find that the youngest, who was meant to be going to a friend’s house, had been put on the wrong school bus and ‘lost in the system’ for a couple of hours while there was an anti-war march going on. She was fine, but the gin bottle took a bit of a hit!

With this promise hanging round our necks, I spent hours driving and flying across Europe to be with him for exeats from school, or to collect and return him for half-terms once he had used his entitled flights. That was the easy bit – the youngest was still able to come with me; now, though, after one blissful year when they were at the same school, I have two sets of holidays at two different schools that are miles apart! It’s not too bad when the holidays start on different days but I have yet to work out how I can be in Sussex at 12.15pm and Peterborough at 12.30pm without resorting to the use of a helicopter! The last time this happened the eldest was collected by daddy in a truck, privately owned but still a truck, while I sat in a car park formerly known as the M25. Not very stylish but there was plenty of room for his kit!

The best thing about the travelling is that it does give some time for me and the children – quite often on a one-to-one basis – to talk to each other. You avoid seeing the squirms of embarrassment as you touch on delicate subjects, or the look of horror when you let slip some little gem that lets your child know that you were young once, and at heart still are. It’s horrid having to drive off and leave them behind but when you collect them they are yours, all yours, just for a couple of hours – but only if the iPod has run out of power and there is no reception on the mobile.

Sophie Hickson has been married for nearly 23 years with no time off for good behaviour or a medal to show for it, but she does have two children: Oliver, who is at Oundle School near Peterborough, and Annabel at Ashdown House School near East Grinstead. Since becoming a camp follower, she’s done courses in plumbing, electrics, tiling, glazing, brick laying and cake decorating, and had a go at tennis, golf, clay pigeon shooting and bobsleigh. She’s lived in 15 houses and, between them, she and her husband have had 37 cars!

‘I just want to have some long-term friends!’
I remember the first time our eldest son (Jordan) said these words. He was seven or eight and was about to start his fourth school in five years. My life in the RAF made it difficult for the boys, and when we moved so frequently it put undue pressure on them and how they settled in each location. Sue and I had never looked at the boarding option until we started a tour in Saudi Arabia with the MODSAP Team and saw the standard of education the children were being offered, and their confidence and strength of characters when they returned to the Kingdom during holidays.

Saudi Arabia was where Jordan was born in 1996 and, the following year, having returned to the UK, Rhys came along. Some six years later, and having landed at RAF Leuchars, we were involved in the local martial arts club when a friend and colleague mentioned Queen Victoria School in Dunblane. Coincidentally, that Saturday there was an open day at the school and having briefly discussed it with Jordan we went along. My first impression was one of very pleasant surprise and satisfactory amazement on how we were greeted. The children, at only 10 and 11, were happy, smiling and greeting adults they had never met, with manners and utmost confidence. The headmaster was greeting every child by name, and they were responding in kind but with absolute respect.

Now that both Jordan and Rhys have enrolled in the school we have never looked back, and while both Sue and I miss them daily, we know that they are being well looked after and getting the best start in life possible. Currently stationed in Cyprus, this can bring extra concerns with distance and travel; however the school understands and supports the children even more to ensure they remain active yet in contact with parents. Providing Skype has been a godsend. The friends that they have made already I know will remain for life, and that is also evident from the number of Old Victorians that return for many of the parades and each Grand Day. The after-school activities will also enhance their future and provide valuable learning skills as well as fun interaction.

Queen Victoria has an excellent and ever-growing reputation and, with the pipes, drums and dancers, the opportunities afforded to the children have enabled participation in the Edinburgh Tattoo and many other displays across the world. Rhys in the year prior to joining, while watching the school perform at the tattoo, confidently stated that he would be there one day, playing the pipes or leading the band. He is now a full member of the band, playing the pipes, and his dream could be coming to fruition. With his older brother also in the band as a tenor drummer, there is nothing prouder than a parent seeing their children realising their dreams and ambitions. This is certainly something that Queen Victoria strives for, and with an overall cadre of Service children as pupils the school staff also realise the extra stresses and strains that Service life brings and what it means when parents are deployed on ops. The pupils bond together as a family, no matter what rank or Service their parents are in, or what background they are from.

Both the boys are thriving academically and enjoying every school activity they are involved in and that the school affords. Without doubt it is the best decision we as a family have made and for their future we are immensely proud and grateful for what the school is offering both Jordan and Rhys. We will never stop being a close-knit family despite the separation, but we know that Queen Victoria is helping towards their future, and providing the stability and ever-lasting friendship that they have been seeking.

Mrs Katherine Falk is mother of two pupils at the Royal Hospital School, Josephine in Year 9 and William in Year 8, and wife of Commander Ben Falk RN, former Defence Attaché to Finland and Sweden

What made you choose Royal Hospital School?

I have to put my hand up and admit that I was dragged, somewhat reluctantly, to visit RHS. My ostrich-like approach had me believing it was an old-fashioned, military-style school and I was having none of it. We arrived for an open day on 11 November 2006 to a very warm welcome and a well-structured day that was set up with the visitors in mind – not, as we had found with other schools, a sales and marketing-led event planned around what suited the school best. Each family was given a tour by pupils, who were free to introduce the school in their own way. There were excellent facilities with lots of space to grow and enjoy school life, a solid academic record that improves year on year and a system that caters for all across the ability spectrum. I had been hoping to find a co-ed school that would suit both our children, and I was feeling very positive as we soaked up the environment. We later gathered to listen to the Headmaster. I scanned the room and felt comfortable with what looked to me like a healthy social and ethnic mix. Howard Blackett’s straight-talking approach to describing his school and his vision immediately appealed to me. He spoke proudly about RHS and its pupils, and I felt confident in the honesty and commitment embedded in what he had to say. I was left in no doubt that, should our children become pupils at RHS, they would turn out to be the confident, not arrogant, well-rounded young people that the Headmaster promised he would deliver into the world. A two-minute silence at 11am and possibly a little more enthusiasm for CCF than you might normally find in a school was as much ‘militaryness’ as I could uncover. This was a normal school, hoorah! But as I looked out across the magnificent parade ground, down towards the estuary, I had to acknowledge that there was really something quite special about the best of our military traditions, and nothing wrong with sharing them – every now and then – with our children.

How I feel about my children boarding
Both my children chose to board. I miss them enormously when they are at school, but that is more than made up for by what I know they gain from being there. After painfully extracting my then nine-year-old daughter from her elementary school in Rhode Island she declared she had no intention of ‘going through all that again’ and wanted to go to boarding school in England. I thought we’d manage to keep our son for longer, but after a year with us in Stockholm he too decided that boarding school was for him. The chance to do lots of sport, have a few more friends from his own cultural background and to enjoy all the adventures he knew his sister got up to – not to mention the fatted calf approach to when she came home – were all too appealing. We have spent eight of the past nine years overseas. Our children are very adept at making friends quickly, but it’s hard when you move off again as soon as you are feeling settled. Now we have the stability of RHS in our lives it is somewhat of a relief, and makes the whole moving process so much easier – and certainly less emotional.

How did they settle in?
The practice of having the first weekend of the RHS year as a welcoming two days for new pupils is an excellent one, and really helped both children find their feet before everyone else returned on the Sunday afternoon. Will joined Year 7 in September 2009, going straight into the brand new (junior) Drake House. He was given a fully packed first three weeks, allowing no time for homesickness and a lot of time for fun and friendship development. Each new junior is allocated a buddy who helps them settle in and find their way around. Josie left her prep school to join Hood House in Year 9 in September 2010 and was welcomed to the new term as if she’d always been there.

What are the benefits of boarding?
For our children and our situation, these are numerous. Moving every two or three years is not what most children would do, given the choice, and as they get older the value of stability increases. If they can’t have regular friends living locally in their home environment, at least they can have that at school. Then there are all the practical benefits, including of course the continuity of curriculum. In the States the children joined in with local baseball and football teams but you always felt an outsider and no one paid you much attention as you wouldn’t be there next year. In Stockholm William joined a rugby club (few and far between and all in the early stages of development), tried his hand at rock climbing, and after-school swimming and piano lessons. All these involved much coordination and travelling, not to mention the language issues. Boarding means a full buffet of activities laid out enticingly in front of you. My only worry is that the children have too much choice and find it difficult to make their selections.

Pupils are forced to be responsible for themselves, their time-keeping and organisation, and they learn how to get along with others in close proximity and to work as a team. Holidays are quality family time. Someone else is doing the nagging about homework, music practice and all those other important things that, coming from parents, can never be right! Josie and Will have benefited enormously from our travels, but the time had come for them to have continuity, put down roots and have the benefit of knowing, to some extent, what the next few years have in store for them.

What do the children get involved in at school?
Josie seems to be leaning towards maths and sciences but this may well change. She loves to perform and is working her way through singing, and speech and drama grades. She also enjoys all sport, with netball probably the favourite. Other popular extra-curricular activities include weekend cooking, termly discos and inter-house competitions. A recent paintballing trip was enjoyed a little too much for my comfort! Will loves his art and would like to play rugby all year round, but as that is not possible, has recently joined the swim squad and developed an enthusiasm for cross-country running. He has guitar, percussion, and speech and drama lessons, and sings in the school choir. His first term at RHS culminated in the choir joining forces with the RPO and Sir John Rutter at the Royal Albert Hall, which will be difficult to top, although the choir’s trip to Rome in July will no doubt create a fantastic end to his second year. Amazingly they both seem up to date on all the new movies, music and celebrity gossip when they come home, so there must be some time for R&R.

How has boarding helped them grow and develop?
The first two words that come to mind are ‘teamwork’ and ‘independence’. Words that, in the first instance, appear to contradict each other. Right from the word go, the children are expected to look after their own possessions, take control of their complex timetables, know where they should be, and to think ahead and plan accordingly. Not everyone’s forte, but the children help one another find their way and the strong house ethos means that your housemates will support you and help you through any crisis. ‘Making the right choice’ is a valuable skill to learn, whether that be about making friends, how much effort to put into your prep, selecting an activity or deciding when not to get involved in something that might be inappropriate. Being away from your parents means that you are making these decisions on your own and it can be a fast learning curve, although an ongoing process. My children don’t always make the right choice, but each time this happens they learn another valuable lesson in life skills. I know that they are both being helped along this path and I firmly believe that they are on the way to becoming the confident, but not arrogant, well-rounded young people that the headmaster promised.

How important is CEA?
CEA is extremely important to us. Basically it is what enables us to send our children to boarding school. I gave up a well-paid career to move overseas with my husband, so it is an element of compensation for that. Occasionally friends say ‘aren’t you lucky’. Yes, of course, but my response is that we would happily swap incomes with them and then pay our own fees – they quickly see it in a different light. If you are prepared to up sticks and move every two to three years it is important to know that at least your children can, from a certain age, have a stable education. We weren’t sure whether we would be going down the boarding school route, but at least knowing that the option was there made us comfortable in agreeing to the overseas appointments. We have had a fantastic time living in different parts of the USA and in Scandinavia, and are still on the move, but this lifestyle comes at a price and CEA helps somewhat towards redressing the balance.

Katherine and Ben lived in London for 15 years. Katherine was a partner in a marketing communications agency, while Ben, a Royal Navy Officer, spent most of his time away at sea. In 2002 the family moved to Washington, DC, where Ben took up an appointment on the Joint Staff at the British Embassy followed by a two-year teaching post at the US Navy War College in Newport, Rhode Island. In 2007 they moved to Stockholm, where Ben spent three and a half years as UK Defence Attaché to Sweden. Katherine is currently in south Norfolk, UK, while Ben spends nine months in command of a maritime advisory team in Yemen. A further overseas posting is expected in 2012. They have a daughter, Josie, and a son, William.

We didn’t really want to board them …
Captain Andy Wicks, Royal Engineers

Although Tom is 22 months older than Laura, they are only one school year apart. With GCSE, AS and A2 coursework being so important, it meant that either one or both of them would be ‘tied in’ to two years’ exam preparation from 2007 to 2012.

At the time we didn’t really want to board them but had no idea where we would be posted over the next five years, so the only way to ensure there was continuity in their education was for them to attend a boarding school.

As with most service children, Tom and Laura were used to moving school and making new friends, and this quality meant they were very open to the idea when we first raised it. However, there were still major considerations to be taken into account. One child was rather shy and it was a big concern that boarding would be too large a step, while neither my wife nor I had boarded so we were relatively unaware of the standard policies of boarding schools.

Service Children’s Education (SCE) was a help. The basic advice was that all boarding schools would have excellent examination results and fantastic facilities, so we should choose a school that not only met our specific basic requirements but that felt, on visiting, like it had the right atmosphere to be the best place for our children.

For us, the biggest factors in choosing a school were that it had to be on the MoD approved list for Continuity of Education Allowance (CEA), and that Tom and Laura could attend the same school so they could support each other if required. If one of them was having difficulties adjusting we knew the other would tell us or do something about it. Trent College ticked both those boxes immediately.

Another major factor was location. Being in the East Midlands, Trent College is pretty central to the UK, and its proximity to the M1 means that transporting the children to and from school by car is practical. Now they are old enough to use public transport there is a good train service from Nottingham, while East Midlands Airport is also very close if we were overseas.

The very first time we visited the school, all four of us were nervous. We were very well looked after and hosted by a member of staff who had children that went to Trent, a clear recommendation of the school. We also had a meeting with the Head, which slightly surprised me. SCE had advised us to concentrate on the school’s atmosphere, and the general attitude and demeanour of the children. The students were happy, polite and engaging, and Tom and Laura were very positive throughout the visit. It felt right.
Dropping them off at school for the first time in September 2007, however, was a slightly different experience. Tom was 14 and Laura had turned 13 two weeks before; it was quite traumatic leaving them. There was the odd tear and a couple of second thoughts. Looking back it seems a little silly, but at the time we almost felt we had abandoned our children. It was difficult to say that final goodbye – probably harder for us than them!

It seems strange, but there really weren’t any blips or wobbles as Tom and Laura settled in. Both were allocated a mentor/guide – an existing pupil who wrote to them, introducing themselves and offering help and advice.

Because we weren’t hearing of any issues, our biggest concern was that the children might be hiding problems to stop us worrying. But they proved more robust and capable than us parents think, and they simply adapted. Tom and Laura could have supported each other, but they didn’t need to.

We originally spoke to them on the phone every night. Laura still does phone nightly, but Tom phones only a few times a week. During their first year we moved to the East Midlands so they came home every weekend, but with me now being based in Kent, they come home every other week. Staying at school at the weekends never seems a problem; there are always a number of boarders, plus the overseas students, who stay every weekend and there are things like cinema trips on Saturday evenings.

Tom and Laura have really thrown themselves into school life, and have developed and grown hugely as young people. Between them they have been involved in Combined Cadet Force (CCF), community service, a wide selection of sports, charity fundraising and ‘Peer Support’, a system whereby any student from any year knows they can approach a trained ‘peer supporter’, identified by a badge on their uniform, for help and advice.

Good exam results are to be welcomed, however in the long term it is more important to us that our children develop into rounded, confident young adults.

We have received CEA the whole time Tom and Laura have attended Trent College; without it we wouldn’t have any possibility of affording school fees. The school has been very understanding of the terms and limits of CEA, as well as in a number of other situations unique to Service families.

When I was on a Herrick tour, our normal routine of collection, etc., was sporadic to say the least. I emailed key staff before I deployed, and from Afghanistan when required, so if the children were late back after the odd weekend, the school was very accommodating. All staff have school email addresses and parents can email them over any matter, providing a simple, quick way to confirm details, ask questions, receive ad hoc progress updates, etc.

Trent College is always looking to progress and develop itself, building on its history and previous success in an ‘evolution not revolution’ way. This has played a big part in Tom and Laura maturing and developing year on year. Sending them to boarding school felt like a leap into the unknown but both children have made the most of the opportunity, and as hard a decision as it was initially, it has proved the right one for them.

Captain Andy Wicks joined the Army in 1985, as an apprentice tradesman in the Royal Engineers. His career has included an eight-year deployment in Germany, which spanned the bulk of son Tom and daughter Laura’s primary school years. In 2002 he returned to the UK and is now serving as 2IC 36 Trg Sqn, 1 RSME Regt in Chatham, Kent, where he lives with wife, Sue. Since 2007 Tom and Laura have boarded at Trent College in Nottingham.
 

Funding boarding school and university – a recently retired parent’s reflections

Introduction
I hope that this updated overview on how we provided for our daughters’ boarding school and university educations will provide food for thought and some help in making your own decisions. There are a multitude of things to consider and a host of very personal decisions that only you as parents can make. We determined that, if our daughters were to have the best opportunities to choose what they wanted to achieve in their lives, providing the best education, including university, would be an essential enabler. Our daughters subsequently attended boarding school, under Boarding School Allowance (BSA) rules over a period of nine years, and then completed four- and three-year degree courses.

Background
Service life has changed significantly since we made our decisions in 1981, but it seems to me that enforced separation, turbulence and frequent postings still reduce the stability of family life, education and friends for many of the children of Servicemen and women today. I need not rehearse all our circumstances, suffice it to say that, following our marriage in 1973 until our younger daughter went to university in 1996, we lived in 18 different flats or houses, completed six tours in Germany and four in the UK, attended two major staff courses, each of a year’s duration, and I undertook two operational detachments. Importantly, Lizzie was required to accompany me on my three command appointments. Had she not agreed to follow the flag, I would not have been given command in rank nor subsequent promotion. Establishing a permanent family home was not therefore an option for us.

Considerations
We confronted the boarding school issue seriously when our children were six and four years old. If we were stay for a full career beyond 38, when the children would be ten and eight, we wanted the flexibility to choose to send both girls to the best boarding school we could afford. Neither set of grandparents, nor our siblings, would be able to offer any financial or physical help. We also determined that the girls should go together to the same school, and that we had a minimum of four years to plan and prepare.

What could we afford?
In order to quantify the funding problem, we placed all girls boarding schools in ascending order of fees and chose a representative school about three-quarters of the way up the list. Our annual funding targets came from inflating the fees by 10% per annum and the BSA by 5% each year until our younger daughter would be 18. Our first conclusion was that the early years would be the biggest problem, and that we would need to use our savings and to increase them. We took advice from seniors, peers, financial articles and brokers. We decided to use a number of smaller schemes rather than a few big ones, as a way of spreading risk and to make our savings as tax efficient as possible. Saving for school fees became our number-one savings priority and we made the maximum use of regular savings schemes. Savings and investment schemes, and the tax regime, have changed much in the last 30 years but, in 1981, we realised that we had to save some 36% of our disposable income (about 15% of our total income) to meet the anticipated fees.

The reality
Some four years later, the girls embarked together on life at boarding school aged 11 and 9. They had already attended 11 schools between them. Importantly, we had been able to chose from a significant group of potential schools because we knew we could afford the fees. The selection process was daunting as the children developed and the criteria changed. We spent a great deal of time, care and preparation in making the final selection from a shortlist of contenders. In making that final selection, we weighted all the factors in order of importance as we saw them.

On reflection
On balance, boarding school proved to be a very good preparation for university, and our daughters went on to achieve good degrees and to be very happy living and working in London. We think we got right about as much as we got wrong in choosing the school, but have nothing to compare our decisions against and no way of knowing what might have happened in different circumstances. In particular on the down side, the school had three headmistresses in the nine years, and there were two small but significant recessions that had an adverse effect on the stability of the girls’ friends.

Financial planning
Our financial planning proved to be extremely useful, although circumstances changed significantly. My records show that we needed to find very manageable amounts from income in the first and second years, but that all fees could be met from savings thereafter. However, we were also very fortunate in two respects: first, our daughters won scholarships and exhibitions on entry to the sixth form; second, I was promoted at fairly regular intervals. Scholarships and exhibitions, then worth some 33% and 25% of the total fees, are an important consideration in any list of criteria and can make a very considerable difference to the fees required.

Our two pieces of good fortune, taken together, enabled us to pay the fees from income rather than savings from the fifth year onwards. Critically, our school fee savings then enabled us to provide rent and reasonable living expenses throughout university, albeit in the days before tuition fees. They also provided the girls with their first deposits as they clawed their way on to the housing ladder. Four of the original 11 savings plans are still running some 30 years later.

Conclusion
From our experience, plan for school and university fees from birth, be realistic in your goals, but stick with it. BSA was essential for us, but savings will help to meet the costs of university and/or house purchase. Enabling our children to achieve a first-class education without the burden of a massive overdraft is a very worthwhile goal.

‘Will we ever have a swimming pool?’ A mother’s cautionary tale of ‘extras’

When calculating the cost of boarding schools you smugly add in a small amount for ‘extras’ and congratulate yourself on your foresight and prudence, but beware …
Obviously each school will have its own socio-economic profile, but when you send your child there are they going to be in the mid-range or heading out towards one of the extremes? As Service parents we’re unlikely to be at the top end of the range, but when your daughter asks ‘Will we ever have a swimming pool?’ because everyone else in her year has at least one, if you include second and third homes, you begin to think you’re a bit out of your depth (pardon the pun!) and are probably closer to the lower end of the range than you initially thought.

Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, but when hosting the home leg of a holiday sleepover you have to rack your brains to come up with ways to entertain the children rather than sending them to play in the pool, which is what they did on the away leg. Although not strictly speaking an ‘extra’ that will appear on the bill, something else that you need to throw into the melting pot, it can be a little awkward when you explain to a junior guest that, unlike at home, there is no en-suite for the guest room and the hot water in the bathroom can be a little idiosyncratic. Luckily kids are pretty resilient and don’t mind about such trifles, but it does make you think twice about asking their parents round. The press have said a lot about the quality of SFAs but there is a difference between reading about them and eating supper in one.

If your child has made a close friend and they get invited to an ‘away’ fixture, remember to find out where the other child lives before saying yes. Failure to follow this simple procedure could result in you handing your child over to airline staff as they head off to Hong Kong for a fun-filled week because ‘Mum, you said I could go!’ A multi-emotional experience: they have an amazing opportunity, but it is using up a huge chunk of the limited time you have when they’re at home; you are delighted that they have made a really good friend, but this is tinged with the sadness that they are quite happy to leave you behind and start spreading their wings somewhat earlier than you had anticipated.

Then there are school trips – the experiences that boarding school can offer are mind-boggling, but a trip to the USA to visit NASA requires a slightly higher parental contribution than a trip to the Science Museum in London. Of course, all trips are optional, but is it fair to be forever saying no when you’ve put them into the school that offers these chances? It’s even worse if you’ve offspring who are sporty. A first XV rugby tour to Australia or a tennis tournament in South Africa are not exactly cheap, and you’re so proud of them for being in the team that you really don’t want to say no.

So, when you add ‘extras’ to your planning, think big – they can come in all shapes and sizes, but the size is usually large.